So after a long and stressful weekend (stress due to my own thoughts and feelings of course) I had a good Monday for once! It’s amazing because Monday’s are normally a terrible day for me, I wake up just expecting it’s going to be a bad day (probably a cause of the problem). My boss was in a great mood, and there were lots of laughs all day! It’s great to have my mind occupied for a few hours a day, every little bit counts!
I’ve been praying every day since my Dr’s appointment on Thursday. This is something that I’ve always done in times of hardship…I don’t consider myself a religious person but this world is so vast it is hard to believe that there isn’t something greater than us out there in the universe! I’m not saying it’s God, or Buddha or Allah or whomever you choose to believe in. Just an energy that is floating around this universe, and that is what I pray to (or communicate with might be a better word).
In any case, this has been making me feel a little better each day. I just know that there was a mistake that was made at my last ultrasound and that everything is just fine with our little bean! I know that at my next Dr’s appointment, she will walk in and say “Just as I suspected, everything is perfect with your little one and that ultrasound tech at the other office made a mistake.” To stay positive I play this out in my mind several times a day. I also imagine when the baby arrives and I hold he/she in my arms for the first time and I look at its perfect face, kiss it’s perfect hands and feet. He/she will be just as perfect as their big sister is, I know this in my heart.
It’s a monumental task to stay positive when you have depression because even the littlest thing gets blown up to be an enormous issue! Pile on the fact that I’m pregnant and every pregnant mother worries that her little one is growing healthily, and that hormones are at a high during pregnancy; and it becomes a recipe for disaster! I feel like I’m doing a good job and I deserve a pat on the back!
I also wanted to say that T has been so great during this past week! He is trying to keep any additional stress off of my shoulders. He won’t let me do anything (he even cleaned the bathroom last night), I appreciate it so much! This is what I had imagined my first pregnancy to be like, and it wasn’t. We’ve been communicating so well and he’s been very affectionate with me in the last few days as well, which is also something new for him. I can only hope this continues!