Well it's been a week, and probably a week to long for me! I don't know why I didn't post last week but I just couldn't get myself psyched up to do it. So I had a counseling appointment last night and we talked a bit about my posting and I came to the conclusion that I really needed to get on it!
Last week (other than Monday) I was feeling pretty good. We had dinner with dad on Friday and then saw him again on Saturday night at a friends house. The visits have been pretty good, and I'm enjoying spending time with him. The only thing that tugs at my heart is the fact that P doesn't know her grandpa and seems to be taking a long time to warm up to him. I have a bit of guilt that this is how their relationship has started, but with Dad living in China it's very difficult for them to have a traditional grandpa - granddaughter relationship. (Especially with her being so young and not having any other way to communicate with people)
Hubs and I have been doing quite well as far as communication and our relationship in general is concerned. We had a bit of a squabble on the weekend (which would be the first in weeks!), and it mostly concerned the fact that I'm so grumpy in the mornings! I have never been a morning person, and this hasn't changed since I've been a little girl. I was being short with hubby and he called me out on it... something that of course does nothing to improve my mood at the time. He asked me why I'm such a crab with everyone else, but not with my little muffin P? How can I change my mood so drastically all in the same moment? - This really made me feel badly about how I treat him sometimes.
Why is it that I strive to treat my darling baby girl as good as possible, but if I'm in a bad mood hubby gets the brunt of it? After dwelling on this fact for a couple of hours I phoned him and apologized for my foul mood. It was then that I realized that waiting a month to go to counseling might be too much! Thank goodness my next appointment was in one day!
Yesterday was a bad day for me again, and the saving grace was my appointment with A. I've said this before, but it's amazing how much one's mood can change with an hour of talking about your problems and working on solutions to those problems! I encourage anyone who is experiencing some sort of emotional difficulty in their life to make an appointment with a counselor or psychologist, it can be so helpful. We discussed the last few weeks and things that have improved, or worsened. She gave me some homework to perform, as follows:
1. Rate my mood each day in the morning, afternoon and evenings.
2. While I'm rating my mood, write down the thoughts that were going through my mind at the time.
3. She also gave me some sleeping exercises to practice when I'm having difficulty sleeping (I will post them up later for anyone whose interested)
4. Make a goal for some "Me" time each week, start with something attainable (going for a walk once a week, or reading a book, taking a bath etc.)
5. Increase my goal from once a week, to twice a week and so on
With rating my moods we hope to find out exactly which thoughts are causing the moods that I'd like to alter. Once we find out what those thoughts are, I can identify them when they occur and stop them from altering my mood.
Anyway, that's enough rambling...I'll post some of my exercises tomorrow.